The truth is I’m not the same person I was yesterday, or the day before. I’m barely the person I was last week. The same goes for you. Who you are today is not who you were yesterday. And I have to realize that being someone different is ok. It’s not a case of the body-snatchers 180 personality switch, but in smaller, almost unnoticeable ways.
I’ve been reading more, I’ve started knitting, I’ve put more effort into baking. I’m taking care of my relationships more, my house more. I’ve been working less. My family is going through a terrifying shift that none of us expected, but could be exactly what we need.
I think it’s pretty obvious that I’ve been going through an existential crisis lately. Things that were once working just aren’t now, whether it’s outside factors or me. It boils down to the fact that I’m just not happy with how things have been going the past few months. I’m not content with this blog space or what I’m writing about, my YouTube videos feel uninspired while my subscriber count continues to drop, and I can actively feel my interests changing.
And it’s caused me a lot of panic. All of this self-doubt and fear that everything I’ve worked so hard for is slipping out of my grasp. It’s crippling, paralyzing. Am I not interesting anymore? Have I said all that I can say in this space? Will people not care what I have to say if I’m not talking about the same things I did when I started out? Will people still like me if I’m not the same person I was? You know, the usual stuff.
But I can either destroy myself with fear or adapt. I can face this weird shifting period head on with an open mind and see what happens. That’s very unlike me in every sense of the word. But what else can I really do? I’ve already been subconsciously making a content shift while still feeling almost an obligation to continue writing about the topics that interested me in the past. Amidst the usual content there are posts that I’m really passionate about. There are videos that get me more excited to post than others. It’s those things I need to focus on. Sure it’ll probably be a rocky transition filled with readers/viewers saying a silent goodbye, but if I don’t do this for me there may not be any content left.
Thank you all who have stuck with me thus far as I refused to acknowledge to myself a change needed to happen. A bigger thank you to everyone who’s going to hang on while we go on this new journey. Let’ snow be the same people we were yesterday. Let’s be better.