The truth is I’m not the same person I was yesterday, or the day before. I’m barely the person I was last week. The same goes for you. Who you are today is not who you were yesterday. And I have to realize that being someone different is ok. It’s not a case of the body-snatchers 180 personality switch, but in smaller, almost unnoticeable ways.
I’ve been reading more, I’ve started knitting, I’ve put more effort into baking. I’m taking care of my relationships more, my house more. I’ve been working less. My family is going through a terrifying shift that none of us expected, but could be exactly what we need.
I think it’s pretty obvious that I’ve been going through an existential crisis lately. Things that were once working just aren’t now, whether it’s outside factors or me. It boils down to the fact that I’m just not happy with how things have been going the past few months. I’m not content with this blog space or what I’m writing about, my YouTube videos feel uninspired while my subscriber count continues to drop, and I can actively feel my interests changing.
And it’s caused me a lot of panic. All of this self-doubt and fear that everything I’ve worked so hard for is slipping out of my grasp. It’s crippling, paralyzing. Am I not interesting anymore? Have I said all that I can say in this space? Will people not care what I have to say if I’m not talking about the same things I did when I started out? Will people still like me if I’m not the same person I was? You know, the usual stuff.
But I can either destroy myself with fear or adapt. I can face this weird shifting period head on with an open mind and see what happens. That’s very unlike me in every sense of the word. But what else can I really do? I’ve already been subconsciously making a content shift while still feeling almost an obligation to continue writing about the topics that interested me in the past. Amidst the usual content there are posts that I’m really passionate about. There are videos that get me more excited to post than others. It’s those things I need to focus on. Sure it’ll probably be a rocky transition filled with readers/viewers saying a silent goodbye, but if I don’t do this for me there may not be any content left.
Thank you all who have stuck with me thus far as I refused to acknowledge to myself a change needed to happen. A bigger thank you to everyone who’s going to hang on while we go on this new journey. Let’ snow be the same people we were yesterday. Let’s be better.
So lately I’ve been losing followers. A lot of them. Everywhere. Of course I tell myself that it’s not about the numbers and to just continue on creating things I love, but it is about the numbers when this is my job and supports our lifestyle. Nothing zaps creativity more than working hard on a video or blog post and not getting a response, or any, on it. It’s like throwing all that hard work out into the void for it to disappear without a trace.
Sure there have been downswings in followers before. I used to blog and create videos for literally no one. But this time feels different. I know what it’s like for people to enjoy my content, so now that they aren’t, it feels personal. I know it shouldn’t be. People’s interests change and they move to doing different things. Yet it feels like I’m losing friends who I used to hang out with all the time. That I’m not interesting anymore or the things I have to say no longer matter.
This could just be one of those fluke periods that have been known to happen, but what if it isn’t? It’s time for me to figure out if I keep blogging and Youtubing for the love of it, or I take all the time and energy and move it into something more productive. It was different when I had another job that didn’t rely on these little hobbies. But now it’s one big web of interneting and I feel like I’m letting my company and livelihood down by under-performing.
This isn’t a woah is me post to spark pity. I’ve always aimed to document my life and ups and downs. This just happens to be one of those downs. So now what. I don’t know. I’m going to spend a good few hours staring at analytics, looking at my content calendar, and hunting for the next great thing to not only keep my audience happy, but also me happy. Or maybe I take a step away and figure out how to turn this back into something that’s a hobby and no longer necessary for living.
There definitely is a lot to think about…
I fell in love with Erin Condren because of their planners, but stay for the constant new products they produce. Recently they launched a line of enamel pins and a designer clutch. Once my heart eyed emoji face went back to normal, I quickly scooped up every single thing to get it a full look over to see if it’s really worth the fuss. Girl loves her enamel pins a bit too much.
As far as quality goes the
clutch fabric feels nice, the zipper heavy duty, but it’s not a structured clutch like I expected. I have a lot of random makeup clutches similar to this that are much sturdier and hold their shape when stood up. This one slouches a bit and is more flexible. Not a negative per say, but definitely something noteworthy and not what I was expecting. Yet the gold detailing seems like it’s not going to crack or fade easily. However I think $20 is a little much for such a small clutch when you can get many similar to it from Forever21 for more than half the cost.
In regards to the pins the
Stay Gold one is definitely my favorite. It’s the largest and the only one I can really justify the price for. $8 is usually the norm for enamel pins (
ours are less though, just saying!). The
asterisks are barely a centimeter large if that and don’t really draw the attention well. The silver and gold ones are very similar in color that it’s hard to tell the difference at first. They’re all backed with a rubber backing rather than the metal clasp. Lots of pin enthusiasts say the rubber backing is more secure, but I don’t really have a preference one way or another and have never had issues with either.
Overall I’d say get the clutch when there’s a sale (like
$10 off your first order) and grab the Stay Gold enamel pin if you’re trying to get to free shipping or want to treat yourself. I don’t regret the purchase at all, but if you’re trying to save some money and make smart buying decisions, I hope this helps.
Over the weekend the inlaws came to visit us in Grand Rapids, Michigan. They’ve been to our home a few times, but we haven’t really had the opportunity to show them just why we love our city so much. Although the weather was pretty mediocre, we dodged the rain and took a trip to Frederik Meijer Gardens to wow them with its awesomeness.
Alex and I have been here countless times before, but never in the fall and I just about died over all of the awesome decorations and pumpkins. It’s a gorgeous location with tons of things to do and you can never seem to see everything in one go. Right now Art Prize is going on so we were able to explore the gallery on site and see some larger instillation pieces.
Our weekend continued to include a lot food, seeing the art downtown, and more food. But I failed as a lifestyle blogger and toted my camera around not really using it. The gardens however lent themselves to some very fun shots and its days like this weekend that make me want to constantly have my camera on me.
The city is still quite new to us and Alex and I really need to devote some time to exploring it on our own. We always get so caught up in Oh, Hello that we barely take a break unless people are visiting us. Yet every time we go into the city we fall even more in love. So I’m excited to see where we end up next.
